Ever get the feeling you're stuck in a locked prison cell while through the bars your dream is right there in front of you, waiting for you to embark on the wild ride?
Ever feel like:
- you can't concentrate on doing anything else, apart from thinking about your cool ideas?
- you're being restrained because you know what you want to be doing (and you believe it is your future career), but you can't?
- going to sleep, lying in bed, but can't because your mind is abuzz with ideas, improvements, solutions to problems?
- you brain's about to burst with the 100s of ideas swirling around in your head, trying to get your attention?
- it's taking you 10 times longer to do a simple task because you can't put your mind to it and keep it there?
- your mind drifting at completely random times, like in the middle of a conversation?
The last month has been painful for me (in the mental and emotional
senses) as I try to push all my cool ideas to the back of my mind so I can
concentrate on more pressing, but boring tasks, like my business law assignment due this week (grrr, why anyone would want to spend their life reading hundreds of pages of boring legalese-soaked judgements then writing their own is beyond me - and that's why I'll end up wasting all my hard-earnt money on them
).
I've already managed to shut off most of my mind to cool new projects, which seriously sucks because the best ideas come at random times. The ones that do pop through (i.e. the ones I really can't stop thinking about) I write down on my tablet. That usually helps my mind subside and return to normal function. The problem however are the projects I have ongoing, which right now are the new revision to this site and a website I'm creating for a mate. I have a todo list which just keeps growing at a ridiculous rate which further frustrates me because I hate long todo lists.
This is one of the main reasons I'm 95% sure of intermitting (same as deferring, except in Monash lingo) next semester, and maybe the semester after. I think I've reached a point where I obviously need to get this bug out of my system - both my uni work and my hobby (programming) is suffering at the moment as my productivity drops to all time lows. I've tried fitting both in, but I just can't do it; I just don't have the time, nor the impulsion to stop working on my hobby and do uni work. Yes I lack discipline, but I think this is deeper than that - it's a deep call from within that you're not doing what you should be.
During the intermission, I'm currently planning on finishing the upgrade to this site, finishing my mate's site, and learning a strong visual-based framework like Flash/Flex or WPF because of my UX passion. Who knows, I learn best by creating stuff, so something really cool might come out. Where this may lead me I have no idea - my parents are worried that I may not return to uni, and I must admit that's a possibility. I may become the world's fastest millionaire, or I may fall flat on my face. What I do know is that staying around in uni is definitely not an option at the moment - all that'll happen is that my grades will go downhill faster than you can say concentrate. At least now if I do return, I'll return with motivation to finish it. Lately I've become more of a gut-instinct person, and that's probably how I'm going to decide. Besides, it's not the end of the world if I quit now; I can always return later (albeit probably at a higher cost). Now is the best time for me to experiment because I'm still mostly supported by my parents. I'm also a cautionary optimist - I don't believe every worthy door is immediately shut just because you don't have a degree.
I'm on the home stretch at the moment, having passed the half way mark for the semester a few weeks ago - just another month and a bit of study, then exams and I'm free!
Of course, I'll be keeping this up-to-date, so you guys will know what I get up to.
Anyone else out there feeling the same? How are you keeping yourself on track at uni? What are you doing with all those awesome ideas?Alright, had to get this out before I slept (it's 5am here
); my head hurts after spending the night forcing myself to read page after page of legal mumble-jumble in a hope that some of it will stick when I start my assignment tomorrow.
BTW, if you haven't already, check out Rob Thomas' new song Little Wonders, as featured in Meet The Robinsons (it's not a kiddy song though). The guy's a bloody genius, both from his Matchbox 20 days and now; one of my fave artists I reckon, awesome song. Check out
the video on YouTube.
P.S. Jeff (a mate who just started his own
blog about his startup drive, from a non-hacker perspective), stop telling me to check out
news.yc - it isn't helping me concentrate!
UPDATE (29/4/2007): Meg's got a
nice post on her blog talking about following your passions, plus setting aside time to chill out and reflect on what you're doing (talked about in the blog post after this one). Good read, as is the linked post too.